Nothing to live for
by SoulEater108
Summary: Soul's dead and Maka doesn't know how to deal with it so she pretends to be ok but the sadness is ripping her apart until she finally breaks. WARNING this story might be depressing and it will involve self harm, depression and suicide in later chapters, so don't read if you don't like.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok warning! This story might or probably will be depressing so if you don't like stories about depression, self-harm or suicide please do not read I'm telling you this now so it's your own fault if you keep reading and you don't like it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own soul eater or any characters from it. I also do not own any of the song lyrics that I might use.**

"I spend hours tryna make it through the day

I don't know if I'll ever be the same

It's hard enough when you're all alone

In the city that you love, now Atlanta's just a burial

Ground"

Everything's an illusion by Mayday Parade

She has nothing to live for.

1. You begin to feel alone.

Her weapon was dead and she didn't even do anything to save him.

"I could have saved him!" she screamed into her pillow letting the tears fall down her face and made the pillow wet. She kept screaming but the pillow muffled her screams, she nearly didn't hear the knock on her door, but she did. She got up putting on a fake smile and opened the door revealing one of her best friends, Death the kid.

"Hey kid" she was trying to sound like her normal self and trying to hide the sadness that was ripping her apart inside and trying to escape.

"Hey, maka. I just came round to see how you are" his voice showed the worry and concern he felt for the blonde meister.

" I'm fine kid. I just want to be alone for a while" she said as she started to close the door on him.

"Ok maka. Just remember we're all here when you need to talk, ok?"

"I know kid. Bye." Then she closed the door and slid down it slowly burying her head in her hands trying to hold back from crying.

It was only now she began to feel alone and starting to feel like she couldn't talk to anyone even though her best friend had just said that they were all here for her. And that's when she just let it all out and screamed but the scream was in her head all of the screams were in her head. _I'm just a silent scream waiting to be heard. But what if no one will hear me because they don't care?_

"These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase"

My Immortal by Evanescence

**Sorry for the shortness of this chapter i have writers block and I couldn't think of anything else to put into it and i re started this like 10 times.**


	2. Chapter 2

"At the end of the world

Or the last thing I see

You are

Never coming home"

The Ghost of you by My Chemical Romance

2. The bad thoughts begin to pour in.

The next day she woke up wishing she didn't. She wasn't thinking straight any more, she was only thinking of the bad things and the sad things. _Why am I here? _She would scream into her head because she knew she didn't belong here, surrounded by all the happy people.

She soon found the energy in her to get up and go make a small bit of food even though she didn't want to eat again. After she'd eaten there was a knock at the door, so she got up putting on the same fake smile she had before, and answered the door. Standing there was the two twin pistols, Liz and Patty the weapons of kid.

"Oh. Hi guys" She was trying to sound cheerful again, she wouldn't show them how much she was falling apart.

"Hey maka we just came over to see how you are" they were smiling brightly and patty was being her usual crazy and annoying self.

Xxxx

They stayed most of the day and they looked at old photos of things they had done together, they laughed a lot at the pictures, some of them were embarrassing but some were cute and sweet.

_Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart, look closely at me and you will see that the girl I am isn't me._

They stayed until it started getting dark outside and the sun had started going down.

"Thanks for coming over." She said as they starting walking out.

"I think black*stars coming over tomorrow maka" Liz said as patty bounced out the apartment shouting something about a giraffe and snapping its neck.

"ok and I'm fine so you guys don't need to keep checking on me okay." Her voice was threatening to break and she was going to break down crying and screaming soon.

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?_

She watched until they were out of sight and closed the door and just stood there leaning against it before her mind was filled with screams and shouts of bad thoughts, but no one could hear her. They didn't know how depressed she was and how she was falling apart and feeling every piece of herself hit the floor just waiting fo her to break fully and shatter. It scared her but welcomed her at the same time.

She didn't know how long she just stood there but she was snapped out of the thoughts and screams as she heard rain beating against the window. She walked over and looked out putting her hand up against the cold glass. _And I'm awake on this rainy day, watching as my tears fall down the window pain. _She walked into the kitchen and took out the knife that had the sharpest blade and put the flat cold side against her skin before putting the sharp bit, the blade against her skin and drew it back across her wrist. It stung but the pain was making her feel better. She was laughing as she drew it across her wrist again. _Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain go away._ She thought as she made a third cut. _One cut, Two cuts, Three cuts more._

She then put the knife back down on the table and just looked at her now bleeding wrist that was covered in cuts. Some deep but some were only scratches. She went over to the sink and switched the cold tap on and put her wrist under it watching as it stained the water red and watching as it fell down the sink washing all of her pain away but the scars would stay with her forever, they would never fade but that was if she would let herself stay alive until the turned into scars.

"They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home"

Even in Death by Evanescence.

**Ok this chapter was longer but I still feel like its to short and thank you for following my story :) here have a lollipop! Shh the lollipop was from L's secret stash of sweets.**


	3. Chapter 3

hey guys sorry for not updating and ill try get something up for Sunday k love ya all!


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